Thursday, November 17, 2011

Call Me Old Fashioned

 Recently I was on Facebook and a friend of a friend that I am "friends" with because we met once, posted this as her status:

"If you want something and your husband says no...Do you order it anyways??? And it will have to go on the credit card because it's not available in stores??? What to do???"

I took a screen shot of every one's responses.  I blacked out any names and pictures for their privacy and because I didn't know a single one of these people.  You can see what my response was at the bottom.  There were people that posted past me but I think you get the point from these responses.

Like I said, I don't know any of these people. I could very well be taking these answers out of context BUT I couldn't believe that not a single one of these women suggested she honor her husbands wishes to not order the item.  There is of course always something that becomes circumstantial.  For instance, Adam's surprise party.  For weeks leading up to it, I budgeted a little bit of what we would normally put in savings for the party.  In the end I came clean. 

I grew up learning from my parents extremely traditional relationship where everything was shared and the saying "what's mine is yours" was one to live by.  I 100% realize that is not the norm for a lot of people.  I know times have changed dramatically and now you hear of more and more couples keeping separate bank accounts. But truthfully, for me, it's not about the money that is going to be spent or who works harder for their money.  It's the fact that I choose to respect my husbands feelings because I expect him to respect mine.  If the shoe was on the other foot, I would be upset that he went behind my back after we had a conversation prior to the purchase and I thought we had an understanding he wasn't going to buy whatever it was.  I was most blown away by this comment made by the girl who originally posted the status "...always have a secret cash stash ( I put all my babysitting $ in mine, but you can take out cash at the groc too and it looks like u just  bought groceries)."   I'm starting to think from the sounds of it that I missed a memo.

Make sense or completely ridiculous to you?  I've had this screen shot on my computer for weeks now because I wasn't sure at first if I even wanted to blog about it.  I thought it over and my feelings didn't change on the subject so I figured I would put it out here to see what other women thought.

Am I the crazy one??


The Whitakers said...

You are NOT CRAZY. I am in agreement with you. Perry & I have a similar relationship when it comes to finances- and respect for each other in general. I can't believe those women's responses!

Jessi said...

you're not crazy. you're biblical:)
these husbands need respect and I think about the hardest place to do that is in our wallets!

Elle said...

I agree with you; it's not about the money, it's about the relationship. we married because we love and respect each other.

We have little stashes for gifts and to buy things we like as individuals, but they are not secret. We know how much we each have and if need, we can access the accounts.

KTBFerg said...

No, you're not crazy. They clearly discussed the purchase and came to the decision that it shouldn't be bought. Regardless of who makes the money they should respect the budget that they've laid out together.

Hannah said...

Hello, this is the first time I have visited your blog - I followed the link from your guest post on Jessi's blog.
You are right in that, sadly, many couples keep separate bank accounts, which is so sad and contradictory to the principle marriage that calls you to be one in everything.
I have only been married just over a year, and while I do work, my husband is the main wage earner. I am constantly trying to honour him in how I spend our money, and this can be a challenge. But I am so very thankful that we are able to talk through the challenges and reach decisions together.
What this person is advocating is effectively deceit, by taking out money at the store to use for whatever she wants, and that seems like a slippery old road to be on. It is so important that we try to honour and encourage our husbands, and seeking the approval of friends who don't give wise counsel does not help in this!
Wow, this has turned into a huge comment! Sorry! I just wanted to affirm you in your desire to honour your husband & agree with you that this person's attitude is not one that places honour more highly than personal desire.
You have a lovely blog : )

The Whitakers said...

I wish I could "like" Hannah's comment^!