Tuesday, April 12, 2011


Fear seems to be a re occurring theme in the blog world today. I am have been thinking so much about it lately.  Mostly about my fear of something happening to my husband and son.   A little bit about what I can do to get through the fear and just live. 

Other wives and moms may understand, but I cannot even explain the feeling I get thinking about anything ever happening to my boys.  Especially Aidan.  I fear for his innocence.  The ability people have over him to take advantage. He is so little and relies so much on Adam and I.  It breaks my heart to think about him being scared or hurt or sad.  The overwhelming love I {we} have for this child is sometimes, well, debilitating.

Since being back at work, I leave every day before Aidan gets up.  And every morning I sneak in to his room and kiss him because I literally fear that something will happen to me or him during the day and I won't have gotten the chance to get that last kiss in. 

I guess I feel like when I had him in front of me everyday, I could protect him.  It's been really hard to let go and not be in fear that someone else isn't taking as good care of him as I would myself.  It creates these knots in my stomach thinking about what he is doing all day.  Praying God is keeping him safe until I can get home and get another kiss in.

1 comment:

Randy, Becky, and Halley said...


I too struggle with the fear you described and the word you used "debilitating" is dead on. I kiss my baby girl a dozen times at night just in case...The only way I can get through it during those times is to really pray and trust God in that paralyzing moment. As much as I would like, I (us moms) simply can't control all of those circumstances so I have to trust that God loves her more than I do. I know that seems cliche but I just wanted you to know that you're not the only one! (And my guess is that we're not the only two either.)


P.S. You don't know me but I'm Kathryn's sister (barefootkatie).