I am having serious trouble coming up with something worth writing about. I feel like I have so much to say but can't put it in to words. There are a million things going on in my head right now...
like how I don't think friendships are something that should come and go. I want good solid friends. Life long friendships. Real people that will be there for me. My relationships are so important to me and I put a lot of time and love in to them. I am done kissing people's asses to meet me half way. I'm sorry but if I am not good enough to be your friend all the time, then you aren't good enough to be my friend at all.
like how Aidan just decided this week he is not going to bed at bedtime. Just now, 2 yrs in to life, doesn't want to go to bed. He gets up constantly. Last night he spent an hour in time out for getting out of his bed because he wouldn't get back in it and we didn't know what else to do.
or how we are leaving for the beach in two days and I have done nothing to get ready! I usually at least have 5 to 10 "to do" lists going by now and I am thinking I am just going to wing this trip. It's all about family time and really it doesn't have to be perfectly organized, it just has to be perfectly relaxing for my perfect husband.
I also would love to be able to write this amazing blog to my friend Sarah to let her know that there are a million women out there who are single too and want to be in a healthy, happy relationship, but that doesn't mean they should settle for being with a abusive jerk just so they don't have to be alone. I want her to know that no ounce of her happiness is worth giving up for this person. Been there done that. It sucks, it hurts, it's hard, it's unfair, it feels like time is standing still and you are going to be alone forever. Prince charming will come along. You deserve it.
I want to write my mom and ask her if she feels like taking a few weeks apart has damaged our relationship like I feel it has. Oh that's right, I did and she didn't respond. Am I over reacting or is talking on the phone daily now a thing of the past??
or how I wish I could tell someone who used to know me so well, that I am not that person anymore. I've risen above so many of my insecurities. That may have been how you knew me, but it's not me anymore. Stop trying to tell me it is. I'm happy get over it. Sorry I can't be the person you felt bad for anymore.
like how sometimes I just wish time could standstill. I get anxious sometimes thinking about how fast my life is flying by. Did I miss out on things? should I pay more attention to Aidan? will life always be this good? should I take the time to visit my brother Jordan at school, just because I think he needs to know he's loved a little extra? Aidan is starting pre school in less than a month. Seriously? Pre school? It makes me cry thinking about it. Our baby time is gone. I wish I could rewind and pause so much of the past two years. Especially the look on Adam's face the first time he held our boy. He wasn't just in love with me anymore, he was in love with our family and it was the best feeling in the world. That's something I think about every day.
Anyways, that's what's on my mind right now. I wish I had pages to write about each things but I can't seem to get my thoughts in order. Maybe things will come together after my RELAXING beach trip.
Hope everyone had a great weekend! Thanks for reading!