It's almost 1am as I am typing this. I am going on day 5 of being sick with this sinus/head cold thing. I hate being sick. I feel terrible. For some reason being sick brings up so much insecurity for me. Weird right? I am a pretty needy person as it is but being sick really brings it out of me. Last night I cried myself to sleep. I felt worthless. My house is a disaster right now. I was in full on project mode this weekend and then this cold hit me like a ton of bricks. Adam has offered to clean but I am so particular I've just asked him to leave it alone until I can get to it. I feel like I am letting people down at work. So far I've worked a day and a half this week. Being sick makes me feel like I am unravelling. I can barely get myself out of bed most days and I find myself apologizing to Adam for looking so rough. Aidan's birthday party is 3 weeks away and I have yet to send out an invite. As a matter of fact, I haven't even bought them yet. What's with not being organized with such a huge event coming up so soon? It's this stupid cold. It has thrown such a wrench in my week and it has me questioning my ability to do so much when I really should just be resting. I'm not used to having to slow down and just rest. Sweet Aidan and Adam have tried so hard to take good care of me. This afternoon I was laying in bed and Aidan wanted to snuggle with me. I was apologizing over and over for not having my usual peppy-ness to be the fun mommy he is used to. Luckily, I think he's forgiven me. But really that is the worst, feeling like I am not being the best mom I can be because I am sick right now.
So, that's what's on my heart. I need to feel better. Soon.
At least I have the world's best snuggler in bed with me.