The best way to say this is to do just that, say it. Not everyone gets along in this family. It can at times be really hard to see my friends carrying on weekend after weekend with their families and their husband's families and their sister's husband's family and so on.
When Adam and I started dating and I learned he had a sister, the thought of possibly getting married and gaining a sister excited me. I was daydreaming about shopping trips, spa dates, girls night out and a new best girlfriend. That daydream never became a reality. Not even close.
In the beginning I tried really hard. I wanted to impress. I wanted her to like me. I wanted her to be just as excited about gaining a sister as I was. It all started out wonderfully but somewhere it went really bad and it just keeps getting worse.
I cannot pinpoint the turning point. Once in a while Adam and I try to figure it out but so much has gone wrong, it really is hard to decipher. Sometimes we think it was the fact that she was loosing her brother to a new girl, a new family. Sometimes we think the catalyst was us getting pregnant and Aidan's birth. Sometimes we think it's such small things that right now, I can't even think of one.
We used to try to apologize. To see things from her point of view. We spent nights in bed feeling bad and trying to talk it out. We realized it was the only thing causing a rift between us in our relationship. We were both trying to make something right with someone who only wanted it to be right on her terms.
We don't see each other and we speak rarely. All of my expectations of how I thought our relationship was going to go have been tossed out. Aidan, sadly, is old enough to realize but doesn't know he has an aunt. To him his aunts are my close friends. Luckily we have the relationships we do with our other family members.
Our reality is that we wish is was different but not everyone get's a long in this family.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
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1 comment:
You're not alone! My husband's sister and I have our good moments, but more often than not we have our bad moments. I tried really hard at first, but have since just kind of given up. Almost all of our major fights have been because of/about her. Then there's my brother's wife...there has NEVER been a good relationship between us or really between her and most of my family. She has completely separated my brother from our family and we rarely talk to them much less see them. So you're definitely not alone. Even though other families may look like they have it all together from the outside, I think all families have their own problems on the inside :)
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