Tuesday, January 22, 2013

On Being a Mom To Two

I never stressed about being a Mom to two.  With Aidan I have always felt that I was a little bit too organized and I figured I would be the same with baby number 2.  i get that from my Mom.  I played over and over in my head how I would do things.  I had friends that tried to freak me out that it was going to be so much work and I was reading blogs that said things like "One kid is a hobby, two kids is A LOT work".  I started to get nervous.  Sure, I'm not silly enough to think that it wasn't going to be work but millions of women do it everyday.  If it sucked that bad, no one would do it.  Right?

We're six weeks in we've had some bad days for sure.  But mostly, I feel like a champ!  I'm not sure that everyone who surrounds me thinks so, but I think I'm doing my best.  That's all we can do as Mom's, right?

How am I making it work?

I think the fact that the boys are so far apart in age is what really makes the difference.  Aidan being 5 and a half and basically self sufficient is so much help in itself.  Of course I don't want him to feel like he is on his own so I am still juggling his needs and the babies but if he has to wait a few minutes for something to get done, he works it out himself or he waits.  I apologize, he accepts and everything is OK.  He has really ended up being such a big helper.  I let him be involved as much or as little as he wants with Kellan. Just today I laid Kellan in his crib so I could start a load of laundry. In those few minutes he got a little cranky and before I could get to him, Aidan had pulled his stool up to the side of his crib and was trying to soothe him.   It sounds like such a small thing but can be the biggest thing for me.  So it's been nice having the extra help.  Even if it's in small doses from Aidan. 

I'm keeping in mind that babies cry.  Whenever a first time Mom asks me for advice I always say "just remember babies cry".  Because they do.  And Kellan does.  A lot more than Aidan ever did so it's been different.  Obviously no two babies are the same and Kellan has been having some stomach issues that we are working on with our ped.   But there are times when everything that can be done for him is and he is just upset.  I take deep breaths and we get through it.  Some days he sits in his car seat on the bathroom floor while I attempt a 45 second shower and screams the entire time.  A minute later with a towel half draped around my body and my hair dripping wet, I scoop him up and he's fine.  Tonight I bounced him in my arms for 3 solid hours while he was between sleep and screeching at the top of his lungs from gas pain and I thought he was never going to feel better.  Eventually he calmed down and tomorrow's a new day. 

I have great girlfriends that listen to me when I'm having a bad day.  I swear this is my mommy saving grace.  If I didn't have my girlfriends to listen to my stories about breast milk, poop, crying and a sassy five year old, my days would be so much worse.  SO. MUCH. WORSE.

I don't have high expectations.  Every time we go somewhere in public, before we even leave the house, I warn myself "April, this could be a complete disaster" and I mentally prepare myself that I may have to leave my entire cart of groceries in the middle of the store because I have a screaming baby on my hands.  Which reminds me I need to learn how to shop for our groceries online and pick them up at the store. Ha!  I'm fully aware that any and all plans I try to make could go right out the window.  In six short weeks, it's already happened.  That's a hard bullet to bite some days after having such a nice thing going when it was just us and Aidan. 

I'm getting plenty of sleep.  Kellan is sleeping 8 hours a night and I try to nap with him at least once a day while Aidan is at school. It's much more sleep than I was getting in my last trimester of pregnancy.  I make the effort to get dressed and put on a little make up everyday.  Even if it's just jeans and a top with a little mascara and my pearls.  It makes me feel good and Adam isn't seeing a tired wife in yoga pants everyday.  

I'm making time for myself and my marriage.  We have had a few good date nights since the baby was born and even though they are squeezed between feedings, Adam and I need the time to catch up on each other and get away from the boys.  I have a pedicure planned for later this week and I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to it. 

I'm in the middle of never wanting Kellan to grow from being such a tiny baby to looking forward to the days where things get a little bit easier for us all. I'm trying not to drive myself crazy playing over and over in my head how our entire day is going to go but that's hard and I can't really imagine how much more of a disaster I would be if I didn't try my best to put together a plan.  I'm taking it day by day and as the weeks pass, I feel a little bit more comfortable and I'm patting myself on the back for the job I'm doing.  I am far from having it all figured out and my kids are far from perfect but it's pretty close to how I thought it would be and as bad as some days might seem, when I look at my boys, I'm so glad I decided to this again.  I have a feeling that's what keeps every other Mom coming back for more too.


Kate G. said...

Love your honesty. You're doing a great job April!

Andrea Kelly said...

Your honesty is refreshing!