Monday, March 18, 2013

Date Nights

I was totally unprepared for how badly I was going to need time with Adam by myself when we went from one child to two.  As much as he was probably feeling neglected with my attention being focused on Aidan and a newborn,  I think I was feeling extremely needy of his time and attention too.  Adam really struggled with not wanting to come home from work because of the work awaiting him here with a new baby.  I was doing so much by myself during the day that by the time he came home, instead of letting him help, I would just try to continue to do it all alone and was making him feel like he was in the way. He was definitely having trouble finding his place and that was the opposite of how things went when Aidan was born.  In the beginning I was sort of crazy over protective of Kellan and I was trying so hard not to make Aidan feel slighted that I was exhausting myself.  I guess I wanted Adam to walk in the door and think I was Super Woman. I could do it all!  What I ended up doing was pushing him away when all I wanted was for him to tell me I was amazing. Haha! We're human and that's real life. Right?

We were doing a decent job of carving out some time at night for ourselves. Most of the time Kellan was in one of our arms but we were trying our best to hang out around him. Just check in with each other. I was letting Adam in to our little circle I had created during the days when he was at work.  My parents had taken Aidan for the night on several occasions and a few friends had volunteered once or twice since he was born to sit so we could go out and it was soooo nice.  As much as I missed the boys and wanted to call to make sure Kellan had eaten or napped, I knew I needed to relax and enjoy the time with Adam.  Nothing is more important to this family than a healthy marriage. 

The night we took Aidan to the rodeo, we called my in laws last minute and asked if they would like to come over and watch Kellan. I had planned on taking him with us and just putting him in the Moby Wrap but Adam suggested we ask them (so we could have the night with just Aidan) and to our surprise they said YES!  When we got home, the four of us were sitting around chatting and my mother in law said that she and my father in law had talked about it and would love to babysit ONE NIGHT A WEEK so that we can get out together.  It probably took me ten minutes to pick my mouth up off the floor.  What a gift!  Committing to a free night of babysitting one night a week.  I thought they were crazy and would change their minds for sure. 

Adam and I went to bed tossing around all the fun things we could do together with one night a week just for ourselves!  Trying new restaurants, seeing movies, concerts, cooking classes, wine tastings, catching up with friends that don't have kids, just sitting in the car in the quiet!  I felt guilty leaving the boys one night a week initially and then I thought I really need this. Mine and Adam's happiness makes us better parents and that makes us a better family!

So we've have two dates since then and they've been so much fun! The first week we went out on a Thursday and it was restaurant week so it took forever to eat and we totally missed our movie!  But we made up for it this past weekend and saw "Silver Linings Playbook".   Now I'm trying to convince Adam to do one of those Art classes where you drink wine and paint something.  He wants to get couples massages.  We can do it all!   If anyone has great date ideas, send them my way!!  And if you can convince your in laws to do the same for you, try it!  It feels relationship changing!

Selfie from our first date.  Kellan was still sleeping with us at this point so I look exhausted. 
Apparently I think I am one of those people that makes cute kissy faces. Not at all the case!  

Movie theatre from Saturday night. 

In the movie. 

Then we made out.

Thanks Kathy and Rick! We love you and appreciate you for doing this for us so much! 


Love Being A Nonny said...

Fabulous!! Love that you get to spend time together. It's SOOO important! What a gift!

Kate G. said...

What a great post-- you really captured the whole dynamic of adjusting from one to two. It's a gift that you're introspective enough to see those things and address them! Wise words, friend!

But I'm on team Adam for a massage as a date. I did one of those wine and painting things and it took foreeeever to paint a picture that looked like a twelve year old painted it and then sat around my house for a year before I threw it away and still felt guilty about it.

{And I know I say this all the time, but you have seriously amazing hair.}