Monday, February 16, 2015

Team Harvey

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me/us how the transition went from one kid to two and how we parent differently I'd be able to buy myself something super cute.  But seriously, I asked other Moms and Moms ask me.  So since I haven't blogged in an eternity I thought "whyyyy not".  And if this blog is nothing else, it's a journal of this time in our lives and if not a single person reads it, when this time is long will be the place I come back to, to remember what was.

Adam and I were babies when we had Aidan.  Well it felt like we were anyways.  We were the first to have kids in our group of immediate friends and family.  We spent a lot of time feeling like we were truly figuring it out for ourselves.   With the exception of my parents to bounce things off of, who hadn't had a child in OH 25 years...we didn't know if we were doing things right or wrong because there was nothing to compare it to.  But it was way back then that we became a TEAM. 

Aidan was the easiest baby.  Thank GOD.  But we learned everything, together.   It was almost five years of complete bliss.  Then we thought "this kid is pretty cool, lets have another".  So we added  maternity coverage to our insurance plan and 3.5 weeks later I was pregnant.  Yup, that fast. 

We all know there is no way to prepare for another person being in your life until they are here.  Well there is no way to shake up a household like adding another baby to the mix.  Kellan came and shit got real.  Someone is going to hate me for saying this but I have to be completely honest.   Having one child compared to two felt like a hobby.  We had some trying months.  Trying is putting it lightly.  To be even more honest, it wasn't just the new baby but life and work and marriage and a big ole' hot mess here in the Harvey house until about four months in.  Then the waves start to turn in to ripples and eventually we were all good again. 

And good again turned in to us being in the best place we've ever been as a couple, as this well oiled machine we have going here now.   And so these are the things that work for us...

-I am absolutely writing about this first because I think it is the single post important thing to keeping a family thriving.  Every single night we put the kids to bed at the same time together and we have TIME TO OURSELVES.  Our friends hear Aidan call it "adult time" and he knows if anything comes between Mommy and Daddy and "adult time"...things are going to get shady.  We spend time watching our TV shows, a movie, talking about our days, online shopping away our savings, occasionally tip toeing in to the kids rooms to kiss them one more time but we do it together and that time is essential.  We go to bed together.  No one stays up with out the other.  It has been that way our entire relationship. 

-There is no such thing as my job/your job.   We both can do everything therefore we do.  Adam probably changes more diapers but I do more homework with Aidan.  No one feels like the other person is doing more. 

-Schedules.  Real life is incredibly mundane.  Mon-Fri our days all look a lot alike.  We combat the witching hour with a family walk or a trip to get ice cream/iced coffees (we honestly eat a ton of ice cream right before dinner) or an early bath time. 

-We spend time with each child individually.  On the weekdays I put Kellan down for a nap when Aidan gets home from school so that he can have some down time and we can get homework done and just spend some time together.  We also let him stay up a little later on the weekends to watch a movie with us or do things we did when it was just the three amigos.  When Aidan is at school Kellan gets extra attention. We go to story time or meet friends with kids his age for a play date.  Aidan thrives well on individual attention from Adam (every one's fave around here) so we make sure he gets that in during the week too.  At the same time we are really aware that its OK that Aidan had a sibling and things were a little shaken up.  That's life.  He isn't the first or the last kid to get a brother. Everyone is going to turn out just fine.

That's it. 

And you know what is the best about the whole thing?  We don't feel like we need to get away from our kids.  Do we have days? Of course.  But in general.  And that was something that was important to us.  When we sat down and talked out what we really wanted life to look like with two kids (and more kids someday, hopefully) we both said we wanted to truly enjoy them. Because otherwise what's the point?  In the beginning of life with one more there was a lot of Adam not wanting to come home because it was a mess.  And I got it.  I totally got it because when he got home I wanted to leave.  But he showed up and I stayed because we committed to these children together and we're a team.  High five emoji. 

Most random photo ever of the Brothers Harvey. Their own little tag team. 

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