Tonight I put you to bed and you cried for twenty minutes before you calmed down. I didn't want you to go to sleep after being so upset so I sent Daddy in to get you and fed you a bottle and rocked you to sleep in my arms. Then instead of putting you back in your crib, I let you sleep in my arms for almost 2 hours. Of all the things I learned being a mom the first time, the most important was that you can never get time back once it has passed. You have that advantage over your brother. I know better than to let the moments pass when you just want to be held or to keep walking past when your big blue eyes meet mine and you want to flash a smile. I stop and talk to you. Pick you up and kiss your round cheeks. I really let the laundry sit and the dishes pile up. I sit you on my lap and we laugh and you coo and I look you all over and try to embed on my brain exactly how you are at this very moment.
4 months will be such a small part of your whole story but right now it seems like such a big amount of time. I can't believe you've been here for 4 whole months. I spent so much time trying to picture how you would fit in to our family and it's everything and nothing like I imagined. I knew we would all be crazy over you but I didn't know it would break your big brother's heart to hear you cry. So he picks you up and holds you. I didn't know that Daddy would call you "Boo Boo" in this high pitched voice and I surely didn't think it would make you laugh like it does. I knew you would wake me up at night but I didn't know the sleep deprivation wouldn't phase me. I know the time passes and there will be days I would give anything for you to need me in the middle of the night. I didn't know you would be born with a few issues that would make me so incredibly protective of you. You love to cry. I didn't know what colic was and I never knew how hard it would hurt me not to be able to help you. Now that that has passed I am still the only one that can soothe you when you are upset and I love that. Would it make my life easier if I could pass you off to someone else while you screech? Sure. But when I spend hours going back and forth from bouncing you to rocking you and you finally calm down and look at me with such a sense of comfort, all of the work is worth every minute.
As much as you were a gift to this entire family, you were our gift to Aidan. A sibling to love, play with, confide in, a life long partner in crime. Aidan more than anyone is anxious for you to grow so you two can start your adventures together. He has big plans.
You've been such a blessing to us in your 4 months of life. I can only imagine the joy you will bring as the tally of months turns in to years and time before you were apart of our family will be a distant memory.
Happy 4 Months Kellan!
A Few Stats:
You weigh 18lbs 12.5oz and are 27inches long!
That's the 97% for both! So your a big boy. But we love you that way!
At your Dr. appt. yesterday you received 5 vaccines! 4 shots and one oral. You really didn't cry long at all. I just hate that they make me hold you down.
You are wearing a size 3 diaper and are in 3-6 month clothing. You are able to wear a lot of things that were Aidan's from the summer he was born.
You eat anywhere from 24-32 ounces of formula a day. I'm not at all anxious to start you on food until you are 6 months old.
Bedtime is anywhere between 8:30-9 and you sleep until 7:30 or 8. I'll take it!
Your hair is a little red and has a tendency to curl when you get out of the bath.
Still don't want anything to do with a binkie but love chewing on your fists, our fingers and your blankets.
You smile and coo at us all the time. You hate to be left alone and always let us know that. You prefer to be held.